Hi! My name is Ash! This is the only bio that will be first person. Why? Don't ask me. Serve my dark ambitions! No wait, don't go! Please don't go! If you leave, Omniverse will get angry, and he does horrible things to me. Please. What can I do to get you to stay? Dance? But it's a web browser, you wouldn't even see it! Wait no, don't leave! I'll dance, I'll dance!
The things I do to propogate my dark reign. So yeah, I left home when I was 12 to become the world's greatest pokémon trainer. I am totally oblivious to the fact that I suck ass as a trainer, so I comedically display confidence for abilities I don't even have! Oh, and I really want a piece of Misty's hot, hot ass. And I'm not gay.
Not.
Ash's Mom
Where did she come from? Why is her hair a normal color? Where is Ash's father? Is she available friday nights? Does she come with a book of recipes, absolutely free? Nobody knows. She seems to show little concern for Ash's well being, giving into to the pressures of "society" to raise her son as a pokémon trainer. Oh yeah, and I want to fuck her.
Brock
Brock is the cool, calm, collected one of the series. Regularly he finds himself covering himself in disdain as he watches Ash's antics as he tries to get Misty's ass. He secretly wishes he could have sex with Misty, but would never admit for fear of being labeled a pedophile. His eyes are actually robotic mechanisms that can operate through very small slits for the sake of hiding themselves. This is because Brock is a robotic alien from the year 4057. He travelled back in time and landed under a giant magnet which fried his brain, making him think he is who he is. Or maybe not.
Flint
Flint is Brock's long lost father/brother/roommate/cousin/2nd cousin/imaginary friend/alien from another planet. He repeatedly denies being Brock's father, and has some strange pedophilic, homosexual, and almost insestual tendencies towards Brock. He also sells big blobs of shit to people for no apparent reason.
Gary Oak
What can be said for a man like Gary? When he's not beating the ass of poor little Ash, he's gettin' some ass from one of his fans. This makes him the pimp of Pokémon After Dark. But because he is overconfident, he is doomed to fail. Apparently. This must be part of some weird Japanese code of honor or something, because plenty of overconfident people have beaten my ass, often times religiously. Those crazy Japanese, what will they come up with next?
James
James is probably the gayest character on the show. On the actual show he is quoted as saying "It's times like this that make me want to go straight!". Despite his homosexual tendencies, he is such a pansy ass that even Jesse can subdue him to the point of sexual intercourse. Of course, nobody knows about his secret love affair with Meowth. Will Jesse find out? Will James stop being a gay man? Will there be a video? Only time can answer these questions.
Jesse
Yet another bitchy yet hot anime chick. She spends most of her time with Team Rocket, utterly failing at everything she does. When she's not smacking the shit out of James for not bending over and taking it like her bitch should, she is going on about health care products and being beautiful, and fearing old age even though she is obviously in her early to mid 20s.
John Romero
Once fighting for the side of good, John Romero was warped into his evil state by a magical green light he found on a distant planet. With his army of forest creatures, he intends to rule the first person shooter market with games so bad, so terrible, people would scream and kill themselves from just thinking about having to play them.
Misty
Misty is the pseudoslut of the series. She acts totally slutty, but she rarely actually has sex, and won't give it up for Ash. This is because Ash is gay. After sex last night, Misty told me that it wasn't her fault I got the clap. It's a lie I tell you. She's also extremely pretentious and bitchy. You can pretty much say this about any anime chick. Hell, should I bother even doing a bio for any of the other female characters? So yeah, Misty. She gives great head.
Nurse Joy
Happy. Ditsy. Hot. Sounds like a great target for a piece of ass right? But then you find out she has this irritating thing called a good heart. So much for that. She spends her time working at the hospital, though she's so terrible at her job that I wouldn't trust her a cardboard box, much less my penis.
Professor Oak
Professor Oak is a strict disciplinarian. He chastises Ash for being late, and goes above and beyond the call of duty and torments him for it. Vicious and strict, Professor Oak would've made a great addition to any Nazi regime. With his platoon of aryans, he would destroy the allies, leaving wasteland after wasteland in his wake. But instead, he studies pokémon.
Seymour
Perhaps the most effeminate scientist in the world, Seymour is a strict environmentalist and vegetarian. Living in Mt. Moon so he can study pokémon, he encounters the usual cast as they explore the caverns. Some say he is quite the ladies man, and others say he is not interested in anyone over 15 years of age.
