Ash: (wearing protective rubber gloves which his mom packed for no apparent reason) Dammit, Pikachu. You're my slave! Obey me! Don't make me beat you with a stick!
Pikachu: Pika! [You suck!] (starts to walk on his own)
Ash: Damn right. Now, to find a pokemon for me to capture and make my slave.
A pidgey walks up to Ash and stares at him stupidly.
Ash: Yes! Now's my chance. I'll use a pokeball instead of just grabbing the stupid thing which obviously doesn't know I am a threat.
Pidgey: (turns its head sideways in confusion) Pidgey?
Ash: (throws ball at Pidgey, injuring the bird and casuing it to slowly wobble away) Damn! What did I do wrong?
Pikachu: (laughing) Pika! [What a dick!]
Pokédex: Any dumbass knows that one must weaken a pokemon before attempting capture.
Ash: Damn. Fine then.
The same pidgey walks back up to Ash and stares at him stupidly again.
Ash: Weaken? Ok! (stomps on the pidgey repeatedly)
Pidgey: (dies in a bloody mess)
Ash: Aww dammit! What did I do wrong now?
Pokédex: Also, do not kill the pokémon you want to capture. Corpses do very poorly in battle.
A spearow walks up to Ash.
Spearow: Spearow spearow spearow! [You suck! If you hurt me, my buddies and I will kick your sorry ass!]
Pikachu: (laughing) Pika pika! [Please do! He's God awful!]
Ash: Shut up Pikachu! (kicks Spearow)
Spearow: Spearow! [Ow! You whore! You will suffer our wrath!]
Flock of spearowss attack Ash.
Ash: Ouch! Shit! My spleen! Oh my God!
One of the spearows hurts Pikachu.
Pikachu: Pika! [You bitch! You die now!] (shoots a ton of electricity onto everyone)
Dead spearows litter the ground.
Ash: Kick ass dude! (grabs a spearow and starts to eat it)
Random Person: Son, I'm with an organization called PETA...
Government swat team shows up and drags the person away screaming in an orgy of blood and violence.
Ash: Thank goodness for the government! Now back to eating my kill.
Pikachu: Pika! [My kill you mean, ass!]
Ash: Ok, Pikachu. OUR kill.
Pikachu: Pika Pika! [No you idiot! MY kill! M-Y!]
Ash: (grabs a stick and beats Pikachu senselessly with it) Oh shit. What have I done?! Now I'll never become the number one master! Never! (starts crying like a girl)
Pikachu: (moans in pain) Pika...
Ash: I gotta get you to a hospital fast or you might die and not serve my dark will! (starts running in a random direction and bumps into Misty fishing)
Misty: Hey what the hell?!
Ash: No time to explain! Emergency! (steals Misty's bike and runs off with it)
Misty: Hey you asshole! (chases after Ash)
Ash: (rides into the hospital that was only fifty feet away that he could've just ran to) You gotta help my pokémon! He's hurt!
Nurse Joy: Oh hello! Would you like to try a value meal?
Ash: What the hell?! This is a hospital!
Nurse Joy: Oh that's right! I forgot! Silly me! (giggles)
Ash: Grr. Anyway, I need my pokémon treated right away.
Nurse Joy: Would you like fries with that?
Ash: No! Well actually, yes.
Nurse Joy: Right this way.
Ash follows Nurse Joy into a hospital room.
Nurse Joy: Hand me the pikachu and wait a few moments.
Ash complies, and Nurse Joy walks into the room and closes the door.
Sounds of various drills, saws, and sanding tools can be heard.
A loud thump is heard and a cat meows in pain.
Nurse Joy: (comes back out with Pikachu) There yah go. Good as new!
Ash: Good as new? He's a bloody mess! And he's bald!
Nurse Joy: Bald is the latest pokémon style!
Ash: Well at least heal him.
Nurse Joy: Oh, so that's what you wanted! Ok. (sprays Pikachu with a liquid and makes him completely healed)
Ash: Wow! Can I have some of that stuff?
Nurse Joy: Nope. Restricted use only!
Ash: Oh well. (loud crash is heard) Hey what's that?
Suddenly two mysterious strangers in gay jumpsuits with giant letters TR on them appear.
Jesse: To protect the world from infestation.
James: To unite all peoples within our nation.
Jesse: To denounce the evils of life and truth.
James: To have sex with that hottie named Ruthe.
Jesse: James!
James: Well she is hot!
Jesse: Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!
James: Surrender now or prepare to fight!
Meowth: That's right!
Ash: My God! And I was always taught that homosexuals weren't real!
James: We are not gay!
Ash: Then why are you wearing a gay jumpsuit?
James: Because Jesse won't let me touch her (gets smacked by Jesse) umm, because I like it.
Ash: Oooook. Anyway, Pikachu, go kill them.
Pikachu: Pika! (shocks Team Rocket)
Jesse: Good God! I'm going to be in intensive care for months! It hurts it burns!
James: I can't feel my legs! The agony!
Meowth: Goodbye cruel world...
Ash: Well we sure showed them.
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